I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
