Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
did i just pee glitter
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