I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
that is very illegal...i love you.
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