So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
