her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
