I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
