I am in a vortex of obligation.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
