let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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