Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My hand turned me down
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize