If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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