That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
