btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
