I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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