I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
