"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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