i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Someone shit on the floor
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
