You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
