your parents love me but you hate me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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