Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
