that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
