i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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