Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
