"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
