You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
