White coat. Heels.
I cannot find my penis.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
