Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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