I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
