Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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