Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

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(734): View more from Michigan

What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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(716): View more from New York

As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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(443): View more from Maryland

My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday

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(727): View more from Florida

She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me

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(507): View more from Minnesota

He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.

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