Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
too bad you live with your parents still
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
