can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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