just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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