Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
