Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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