I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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