Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Panties = found
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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