We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
