I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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