My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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