They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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