don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
