yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize