Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
