Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
