Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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