My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
