when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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