you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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