then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
