3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
