Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
