You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
