So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
