Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
