yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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