I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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