he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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