i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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