...so i touched it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
