just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
