So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
