my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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