she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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