I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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