Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
