yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
