She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
