We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize