I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
