cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
