The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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