I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
