Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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