All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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