i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
