oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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