whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Even my vagina gasped.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
