i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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