That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i love accidental penises.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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