i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
