My first STD was from a foam party
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
